I used to write a blog when I was much younger. It has been 20 years since I have stopped that activity, therefore my writing skills may be a bit rusty. Please be patient with me. The writing is like painting. It only gets better when you practice.
I was born in 1978 in Poland. I am not trying to write a biography here. It is only a little introduction. The year when I was born is only to give you an idea how old I am. I believe it is easier to relate to a person when you know their age and background.
All my life I had difficulties to fit in. I felt like I am different. Like I don't belong here. I felt like I am from another planet, but maybe that's how everyone feels... Sometimes...Isn't it?
The biggest problem was to find a job. I was a clerk, teacher, designer, renovator, sales assistant, cinema host, Avon lady, waitress, cleaner and kitchen designer but all I always wanted to do is to paint. Unfortunately, like many others, I was taught to believe that painting isn't a career - it's a hobby (that's what my father used to say, even though he was the one who bought me my first oil paints when I was 13 years old).
My parents wanted me to become a doctor or teacher, but I wasn't ready for any career like that. I don't know if there is a name for it but I had a weird phobia, veins, I just couldn't even look at them. If only for that I could not be a doctor or nurse. From the other hand, school always scared me. Standing in front of an audience paralyzed me. I tried teaching but I was not ready, too insecure to teach. To be honest, my experience as a teacher was the most traumatic one. I pushed away my teaching career and disappointed my parents. So I was trying to fit in by taking any job that would secure a steady income. Only whatever I did it made me feel miserable.
The only way to find a balance was to paint. Maybe to be an artist is my only calling.
When I paint nothing else really matters. I am in my zone. I am happy. I disconnect from the world, pain, sorrow, stress. This is the only activity that makes me sane. It's my therapy.
So I have been thinking... I do that sometimes... enough is enough... if painting is the only thing that makes me happy I will pursue my career as an artist. Whatever it takes. It is time to believe.
It is time to change.
It is time to create.
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